Love is patient and kind, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude.
Love isn’t selfish or quick tempered.
It doesn’t keep a record of wrongs that others do.
Love rejoices in the truth,
but not in evil.
Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting.
Love never fails!
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
You will agree that all scripture is beautiful to read or listen to when read to you. But this piece from Apostle Paul is profound in its wisdom and reads like a poem. While we agree that these words are extreme wisdom, can we apply them to our lives? Doubtlessly, we would again agree that although we may accept Paul’s words and desire to see them come about, we don’t use them too well in our daily lives. ‘Why is this?’ you might ask.
The answer is that we cannot make these words a reality in our lives using our strengths. I have never met another human who confessed to living Paul’s words solely as their accomplishment. Have you?
So, how do we use Paul’s counsel in our lives?
“Christ gives me the strength to face anything.”[2]
That’s it, plain and simple – we cannot do it with our strength; only the strength of the Spirit of God within us can accomplish this.
Through experience, I discovered I had misunderstood the word ‘love’ in my past years. In reconsideration, as I understand it today, the love I experienced was sensual and passionate. As a believer, I have learned that the word love has different interpretations and meanings in the scriptures.
Firstly, there is the ‘Eros’ love. Eros is a Greek word related to the Greek god of sensual or passionate love. Although the word eros does not appear in the Bible, the book of Song of Solomon, throughout its verses, amply describes the state of sensual or passionate love:
“Oh, that he would kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!
For your love is more delightful than wine.
The fragrance of your perfume is intoxicating;
Your name is perfume poured out.
No wonder young women adore you.
Take me with you—let us hurry.
Oh, that the king would bring me to his chambers.”[3]
In modern-day terminology, eros love is called ‘being in love’ or ‘I am in love with you.’ This type of love is not, as I know it, a lasting love. It is a love controlled by passion. As long as the passion lasts, this love lasts. You might have read the book The Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck. In this best-selling book, Dr. Peck says the following about eros love:
‘Peck emphasizes that “falling in love”—that initial infatuation—is not true love; it’s temporary and fleeting.’
In his chapter on love, Dr. Peck says that being in love has a time limit. He likens it to the ‘honeymoon’ after the marriage ceremony—it does not last.
By comparison, Dr. Peck defines true love as “the will to extend oneself to nurture one’s own or another’s inner spiritual growth. Love encompasses both self-love and love for others. It’s an intentional act, requiring effort and choice.”[4]
After many years of experience, I concluded that Love is a decision, not a feeling. I have lived by this philosophy for the last ten years—and it works!
I decide to love irrespective of another’s behaviour or feelings toward me. I love unconditionally; I forgive unconditionally. How do I manage to live like this? Because there is a greater strength inside me than my strength. Faith in this fact is what carries me every moment of every day.
I often wonder if the fact that those of us who are married expect our first moments of ‘being in love’ to carry us through the vicissitudes of our married life until death do us part. Or do we just give up and become victims of the high divorce rate in the Western world? A site on the internet tells me that 4-5 million people get married every year in the U.S., and approximately 42-53% of those marriages eventually end in divorce.
Now, I know that there are many diverse reasons why marriages fail, but may I pose this question to you? If all those people in the US were living Paul’s words, do you think there would be a massive drop in failed marriages?
There’s more. The Bible speaks of another type of love, phileo, the Greek word for filial love. Hello, that’s news – what does phileo mean?
Encouragement and support: phileo love means being there for others, offering encouragement, and providing support in times of need. This is seen in the early church’s communal living and sharing:
“And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.”[5]
It also includes the love we have for our families and friends.
Now you know – live it!
Until next time,
Love and blessings
Peter-James.