Israel, you have no right to argue with your Creator.
You are merely a clay pot shaped by a potter. The clay doesn’t ask,
“Why did you make me this way? Where are the handles?”
Children don’t have the right to demand of their parents,
“What have you done to make us what we are?” [1]
How often have you heard others blaming their parents for how they have suffered or failed in their lives? I have listened to this more often than I can count (I ran a rehabilitation program for ex-offenders for six years.) Ultimately, it was like a stuck record to me; people blamed their parents for their upbringing.
Reading the scripture above, it is clear that none of us have the right to question God or our parents for what we are, who we are, or how we behave. That goes for blaming ourselves as well. I heard others talk about ‘The Blame Game,’ which made me think. To blame others, especially myself or my parents, is not only a fruitless practice but also a damaging one. People would get hurt in the process.
“Do you really love life? Do you want to be happy? Then stop saying cruel things and quit telling lies.” [2]
In essence, this is what I concluded: I can’t change any action or words of mine or my parents, done or spoken, even from a nano-second ago. Hence, it becomes fruitless to blame my parents or myself for something done or said in the past.
There’s more… to do something fruitless is one thing (you gain nothing from it), but to do something damaging is another. Damage will need repair, if possible. Psychologists say that repair is not always that simple in the realm of the human psyche.
Taking note of what the psychologists say, I think it would be wiser to remove the word ‘blame’ from my vocabulary and desist from anything connected to it.
Since I made this decision, I breathe easier!
Here is a world view which is worthy of note:
“There’s a developmental shift in how we view our parents. When we’re young children, our parents seem god-like in their power. As teens working on creating separate identities, we’re often acutely aware of our parents’ failings. Once we reach adulthood, ideally, we have a more balanced view of our parents, clearly seeing their strengths and weaknesses, in perspective and even with tenderness.
If you’re an adult but still in the stage of focusing on your parents’ flaws, maybe it’s because what they did was terrible and devastating. Or maybe it has more to do with you being stuck in a blame trap that hurts you more than them.” [3]
“Parents want what’s best for their children — whether they’re young or old, rich or poor, married or divorced”.
Shelves of parenting books promise to show people how to address the difficult decisions that parents face every day and how to achieve the best outcomes.
As it turns out, the science supports a totally different and ultimately empowering message: Trying to predict how a child will turn out based on choices made by their parents is like trying to predict a hurricane from the flap of a butterfly’s wings.” [4]
Let us return to the scripture from Isaiah above. To question what God does or says is absurd, at the very least. Furthermore, we do so at a price. Why? Because whatever God says or does is the embodiment of wisdom and correctness. If you question or ignore it, you reap effect on a sow-and-reap basis.
Example: ‘Do not touch that stove,’
‘Why?’
‘You’ll burn yourself.’
You touch it anyway, out of curiosity.
‘Owww, that was painful!’
Cause – hand on a hot stove, effect – painfully burning oneself.
Get the idea? Right, let’s continue…
In short, Isaiah is warning us that it’s not wise to question what God says or does – you must obey. He also advises us not to speak out, blaming our parents for our upbringing. If we ignore this advice, cause and effect will occur.
As a young believer, I used to understand God’s word as follows:
‘Do – or else!’
Now, I read God’s word very differently:
‘Do as I say because I want the very best for you, and it pains me to see you suffer needlessly for not taking My advice.’
You know how to go forward from here, right?
Never see God as some person with a big stick in hand, waiting to beat and punish you for disobedience. Take God’s word as tender, loving, and caring advice. Look at how the word of God concerns your life and apply it at every moment. Never speak badly of your parents in any way at all. Remove the word ‘blame’ from your vocabulary immediately.
If you follow this advice, you will love your life and be happy always. God wants us to have the best out of our lives and to be filled with peace and joy.
Until next time, then
Love and Blessings
Peter-James.